There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Randomize
