I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
