Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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