Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
