What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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