Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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