I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
