apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
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