my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
