That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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