his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
