Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
