So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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