come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm gonna fight the coyote
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
