I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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