He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
