my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
