goodnight i made you a song goodbye
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
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