i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
