I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
