ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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