I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Randomize
