I'd wear matching sweaters with you
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
