check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
