I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Found your dick twin last night
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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