some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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