You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I have fence marks all over my body
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
