He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
