Pants 0. Shit 1.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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