I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
