I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
