I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
