No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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