My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
