hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
