You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
