I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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