Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I think my moral compass just broke
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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