You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
