But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
