He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
