he shaved USA in his pubs
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Randomize
