sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
