I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Did I show you my penis last night?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
