Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Come see our sink grown plant.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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