The maid of honor just puked.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
