well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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