Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
