I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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