I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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