The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
